This will probably be one of my more difficult to write posts. Many of the posts I write are dealing directly with MK Ultra and Military Abduction experiences. I relay the details and spare nobody from the harsh reality. It would be an injustice to the reader and the tortured souls dealing with the trauma and pain of their own experiences to sugar coat the truth. The truth is a sharp knife and I have no compunction about stabbing it into all life everywhere.
I consider myself to be resilient and able to handle most conditions life interjects into my world. I have always risen up after being knocked down and I’m pleased with that aspect of myself. The battle I’m in now is the most difficult battle I’ve ever faced. I’m battling demons, literally and figuratively, my own mortality as a child and the fallout of years of MK Ultra programming. I’ve got the scars, literally and figuratively, implants, memories, and like everyone else, I still have to live, eat, sleep and survive. I say survive, because if you’ve been in these programs, you probably aren’t really living. We eek out an existence at best and it’s unfortunate.
I like to use supplements like vitamins and minerals and eat organic foods. I enjoy exercise, nutrition and junk food too. I do not use the services of doctors and I detest pharmaceuticals, drugs and pills. I think people over use medical services and take pills as a crutch in many cases instead of dealing with problems directly. I appreciate deep breathing techniques and nature sounds to relax and calm myself after a stressful day or event.
Since October of 2011, when the damn broke and stagnant, filthy waters of thirty years of programming surfaced, I’ve had a difficult time of handling things the usual way. The nightmares, shakes, panic and rage attacks are not shut off by breathing and relaxing. St John’s wart and amino acids no longer calm my mood. Herbal tea and meditation cannot curb the wave of emotions and physical side effects. This leaves me in a predicament. I do not want to medicate. I feel it is a sign of weakness and defeat. The medications have side effects and are harmful long term to our bodies. I tell myself, I’ve only had three months to handle the situation and the PTSD is normal. I have to be careful. I’ve had a few panic and rage attacks at work. I get really jumpy and edgy. I work alone, but I don’t want to get caught in an awkward situation. The businesses I work for have been very good to me over the years and I don’t want to let them down. I tell myself, just get a prescription to take the edge off and treat the PTSD. I figure some sort of anti-anxiety pill will be o.k. I know how things work though. You start with a milligram of some pill and six months later it becomes two milligrams and you get the point. I tell myself that I need to mature into the PTSD and learn to cope and handle it. It will get better over time? Then there’s the question about what I tell the doctor or psychologist about my symptoms. What do I tell them? Do I mention MK Ultra, sexual abuse or ritualistic satanic abuse? My mind almost shuts down thinking about all of this.
I don’t want the programmers and Luciferians running the show to see this. I’m sure it gives them great pleasure to think one of their “Chosen Ones” is struggling. That alone makes me want to forget the whole idea of medicating. I’m just tired and weary of screaming and punching inanimate objects and then shaking for two hours afterwards. I want to at least try to have a normal life with what precious time we have left before the world goes bat shit with upheavals.
The Dark Knights showed up again last night after my rage attack. I had finally calmed down and the quick release Melatonin was actually working. Then, all of a sudden the room pulsed with total darkness two or three times and the dark shadows walked along the walls. I was pissed. After another horrible evening, my abductors, the military abductors had arrived for yet another episode. I was too exhausted to try and stay awake. I just gave in and went to sleep.
It kills me inside to submit a post like this to the public to read and critique. I just don’t have anybody in my life to talk about these things with. I do have one beloved great friend I trust. She has her own issues to handle, so a courtesy to her, I try not to put her on overwhelm with my problems.
I always say, I’m a survivor and not a victim. Am I a victim if I medicate? I can’t answer this question for myself at this time.