Dark (K)Nights of the Soul – Matters of the Heart – Medicate or Not to Medicate – PTSD

Khris Speaks

Volume XIII

01/20/2012

This will probably be one of my more difficult to write posts. Many of the posts I write are dealing directly with MK Ultra and Military Abduction experiences. I relay the details and spare nobody from the harsh reality. It would be an injustice to the reader and the tortured souls dealing with the trauma and pain of their own experiences to sugar coat the truth. The truth is a sharp knife and I have no compunction about stabbing it into all life everywhere.

I consider myself to be resilient and able to handle most conditions life interjects into my world.  I have always risen up after being knocked down and I’m pleased with that aspect of myself.  The battle I’m in now is the most difficult battle I’ve ever faced. I’m battling demons, literally and figuratively, my own mortality as a child and the fallout of years of MK Ultra programming. I’ve got the scars, literally and figuratively, implants, memories, and like everyone else, I still have to live, eat, sleep and survive. I say survive, because if you’ve been in these programs, you probably aren’t really living. We eek out an existence at best and it’s unfortunate.

I like to use supplements like vitamins and minerals and eat organic foods. I enjoy exercise, nutrition and junk food too. I do not use the services of doctors and I detest pharmaceuticals, drugs and pills. I think people over use medical services and take pills as a crutch in many cases instead of dealing with problems directly. I appreciate deep breathing techniques and nature sounds to relax and calm myself after a stressful day or event.

Since October of 2011, when the damn broke and stagnant, filthy waters of thirty years of programming surfaced, I’ve had a difficult time of handling things the usual way. The nightmares, shakes, panic and rage attacks are not shut off by breathing and relaxing. St John’s wart and amino acids no longer calm my mood. Herbal tea and meditation cannot curb the wave of emotions and physical side effects. This leaves me in a predicament. I do not want to medicate. I feel it is a sign of weakness and defeat. The medications have side effects and are harmful long term to our bodies. I tell myself, I’ve only had three months to handle the situation and the PTSD is normal. I have to be careful. I’ve had a few panic and rage attacks at work. I get really jumpy and edgy. I work alone, but I don’t want to get caught in an awkward situation. The businesses I work for have been very good to me over the years and I don’t want to let them down. I tell myself, just get a prescription to take the edge off and treat the PTSD. I figure some sort of anti-anxiety pill will be o.k. I know how things work though. You start with a milligram of some pill and six months later it becomes two milligrams and you get the point. I tell myself that I need to mature into the PTSD and learn to cope and handle it. It will get better over time? Then there’s the question about what I tell the doctor or psychologist about my symptoms. What do I tell them? Do I mention MK Ultra, sexual abuse or ritualistic satanic abuse?  My mind almost shuts down thinking about all of this.

I don’t want the programmers and Luciferians running the show to see this. I’m sure it gives them great pleasure to think one of their “Chosen Ones” is struggling.  That alone makes me want to forget the whole idea of medicating. I’m just tired and weary of screaming and punching inanimate objects and then shaking for two hours afterwards. I want to at least try to have a normal life with what precious time we have left before the world goes bat shit with upheavals.

The Dark Knights showed up again last night after my rage attack. I had finally calmed down and the quick release Melatonin was actually working. Then, all of a sudden the room pulsed with total darkness two or three times and the dark shadows walked along the walls. I was pissed. After another horrible evening, my abductors, the military abductors had arrived for yet another episode. I was too exhausted to try and stay awake. I just gave in and went to sleep.

It kills me inside to submit a post like this to the public to read and critique. I just don’t have anybody in my life to talk about these things with. I do have one beloved great friend I trust. She has her own issues to handle, so a courtesy to her, I try not to put her on overwhelm with my problems.

I always say, I’m a survivor and not a victim. Am I a victim if I medicate? I can’t answer this question for myself at this time.

Khris

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55 comments

  1. kristara72

    At 3mo time you r dealing with a lot of memories, be patient with yourself, hopefully it has eased somewhat for u. If u are able to, “center-line” yourself; the sooner the better. This can help for various items esp. attacks. As for deep sleep, EVERYONE must sleep (minus subconscious of course). Have someone in charge of bedtime patrol and make sure that it is your will that everyone sleeps. U will be surprised how refreshed u will feel. Many of us take a good nights rest for granted not knowing that it doesn’t come easy for so many folks.
    Nice to see ppl coming together these days.

  2. Pingback: James Holmes ♦Dark Knight Rises Assassin ♦ MK ULTRA? Another Manchurian? « clandestineragerevealed
  3. thundergills

    Hey, would just like to verify that the Batman thing is a very old archetype, my dad, who was obsessed with UFO’s double dated with the original Batman, (Adam), I believe, and that is why I used to take for granted the Batman motif
    appearing in my dreams as a kid, (I wasn’t allowed to watch television, and I don’t remember the Batman thing having any traction for my POV .) But it was still there, and very powerful, mixed in with tractor beams and elves.
    1974ish, in my case. I am thinking it was some kind of Yale/Harvard secret society joke, normally the superhero
    in their standard identity has to have a hard time of it, just to make for believable plot/motive ingredients. It’s why something like the Green Lantern goes flat on its face in everything but the “cute smart ass” category.
    The main thing is the Bruce Wayne thing is dissasociative, when Bruce Wayne ain’t Batman, he ain’t everyman neither, I am thinking that this is a neutralized multiple personality model, with no tools for cutting out of the cage
    left in the garage with its victims. Batman, cricket, batsman, check it.

    In the sport of cricket, batting is the act or skill of hitting the cricket ball with a cricket bat to score runs or prevent the loss of one’s wicket. A player who is currently batting is denoted as a batsman, while the act of hitting the ball is called a shot or stroke. The terms batsman or specialist batsman are also used generically to describe players who specialise in batting (as opposed to e.g. bowlers who would specialise in bowling).

    See, so those who were used to score runs or prevent the loss of one’s wicket were the Batsmen. Since they/we
    aren’t posh and don’t play cricket, it seems like possibly an upper-class joke moniker on their arsenal of split-world soldiers. I am thinking that the process of entrainment has been spiralling out of control as the pyramid scheme shifts from high intensity cultivation to mass production, a lot of anomalies have started to crop up because there ain’t that many wizards and middle-men aren’t the best at quality control. So, what your stuff is starting to really make me think about is how we’ve been struggling on terms with this that don’t give us the best leverage.
    Those we face are Qliphoth, the Shells of the Dead. Qliphoth Not that I am promoting this version exactly, it’s just that those who are drawing off of me have no right to being treated as equals. As long as the mask gets respect, the wearer will keep it on.
    All the best, you have really fired me up bro!

    • clandestine rage revealed

      Thanks for sharing all of this. I appreciate you taking the time to explain what you’ve learned and how you process the information. I will re-read it again later and try to pull info from it. I thank you again!

      Khris

  4. balanceenergies

    that last addy was a test…to see if i did it right…interesting too…what’s your take on all the earth sounds ?! what keeps going through my green goo, is LHC being amped up…i certainly hope i am wrong…..have fun where you can….later

  5. clandestine rage revealed

    At 2 A.M. last night, my right ear started in with the high pitched frequency and I knew I was going out of body. Sure enough, I landed in what appeared to be a large conference room with Obama and many others. Oh, I forgot to say, I PROMISE!

    Khris

    • clandestine rage revealed

      It’s o.k., I won’t give in or leave these forums unless their owners wish me to do so. I will figure out somehow the best approach to manage these matters. I do have to tell you, the Incredible Hulk stuff is scary. How do they do that? The admin at your forum has approved me, so I’ll get started tonight or tomorrow.

      Khris

      • pollyann

        Khris, when you have time, even if you have to listen to this whole interview in segments because it is so long, please go to http://projectcamelotportal.com/ and listen to the “Bill Wood” interview even if you don’t like Kerry. I rarely become really interested in whistleblower testomony but I really like what this former Navy Seal has to say.

        You must hang in there!! These hybrid, mutant, sociopathic, sadistic, pedophile murderers will be gone at some point! Don’t let them take you down with them!!! Promise me!!!

        • clandestine rage revealed

          Hi Pollyann,

          I won’t let them take me down. I’m going to make it. I just have to learn coping skills. I heard part of the interview, but never got back to the full thing. I will go back and watch the rest of it. It’s pretty sad about the whole sex offender thing. They even mention Duncan at an hour and 25 minutes in. I was going to write a letter to Barack Obama and the ‘families’ tonight and post it on my blog. I was with Obama again in an O.B.E last night in a conference room. I’m ready to retire Pollyann. They’ve had me in service for 30 years. It’s interesting that you write me asking me not too go down with them about ten seconds before I started to write the letter to the Illuminati peoples that I’m retiring.

          • pollyann

            “Bill,” not his real name, mentions Duncan twice and how so many of his experiences paralleled Duncan’s.

            Interesting how the activation you experienced preceeded an O.B.E.! It was all connected!

            Let me know what you think of the interview after you have heard the WHOLE thing.

            • clandestine rage revealed

              Pollyann, I finished and that certainly was interesting. The interview got very interesting in the second half. They really don’t know what do to here in 11 months. I wasn’t sure if they could see beyond 2012 or not. I still think we have until the end of this decade for all the final moves to be made. Like he said, there probably isn’t any winning moves for them, but they’ll play to the end. Buckle up girl, I still think we’re going on a interesting ride. Oh, I think the Hillary being president might come true. I do think Obama will be removed or something will happen. Oh Lord, Queen Monarch running the country scares me much.

          • balanceenergies

            hold on buddy..if we quit, they win. cannnot let that happen! this whole scenario can get exhausting can it not ? but for me, the constant drive to ‘find out’ keeps me going. i am a ‘just around the next corner ‘ person..have to find out what is lurking around the next bend and when something is there..well, that is just like a golden nugget to me. i have a mountain of memories etc to share, where here would be appropriate? take care friend…cat (kind of makes one wonder why some people are driven..sometimes to the point of madness-to get at the truth..it is life to me )

            • clandestine rage revealed

              Hi Cat,

              A couple of bad days had me exhausted. No worries, I talked to a friend on the phone and she thinks this is part of my service. These Obama and Hillary Clinton experiences are all part of my own bigger picture. She said I was coming back alive with some amazing details and information.They aren’t hurting me. We agreed I should continue to allow these things to happen and not try to fight everything, everyday. So I’m pleased to announce, I won’t be submitting retirement papers to Obama or the Illuminasties (My new word Illumi Nasties). I’m still here girl! I just got knocked down, but I’m crawling back today!. I get driven to the point of madness too. I’m also a fighter and when they pull me out of the body, I consider it a challenge. My friend told me to change my perspective and get calm like Polly said to do.

              Khris

              Khris

              • balanceenergies

                http://by159w.bay159.mail.live.com/default.aspx#n=75000147&fid=1&fav=1&mid=0b1d5b1d-4673-11e1-9f62-002264c1d54a&fv=1 ok…hope that worked…an email i got earlier… i wonder if all those sounds around the world are the lhc being set into motion more..o boy. glad you are bipedal now- knees get sore from falling and getting up don’t they ! hey, but we always get up, tenacity… woke up yest saying out loud . . laura knight eisenhower..bang awake. and this morning it was the ‘final countdown’ bang, wide awake.. take care khris and have a great time today and don’t forget to laugh at just about anything that strikes you so… cat

                • clandestine rage revealed

                  Hi Cat,

                  Yes, I’m bipedal now and doing much better. I couldn’t get the link to work, but that’s okay. I think the best plan is to leave a message and if you have a link, leave another message with the link only. I have a feeling that will work better. I’m going to try that myself tomorrow. That’s interesting as I wake up with weird stuff all the time. I was waking up with a song from the 80’s called One Night in Bangkok. If you watch the video on youtube and get the lyrics it might be a surprise. It seems like a total mind control song. Black and white chess board and the lyrics are like wow. I would love to know how these things wind up in our minds upon awakening.

                  • balanceenergies

                    i can get it to work from here, from my end…i will never, ever figure out how these machines function…..it was about a georgia judge calling obama to court…….probably some new stuff today….if i get an update i will try your suggestion and see what happens. lots of fun stuff on D and M’s site eh?! never a dull moment or long lull in life for a lot of us……..have a good one khris….cat

                    • clandestine rage revealed

                      Thanks Cat,

                      Yes, I think Obama will be spending a lot of time in court probably for the rest of his life. I don’t know what the deal is with Word Press and links, but I think just posting a link will probably work best. Yes, I can only spend a little time reading the Forwood issues because they were setting off my PTSD. It was really stressing me out. I won’t be getting too much into the issue. I don’t want that guy triggering me. D & M never seem to get any peace and that concerns me.

                      Khris

                    • balanceenergies

                      for you and a lot of other people (including me)…..’before you diagnose yourself with low self esteem, just make sure you are not in fact surrounded by assholes ! ‘ yes, i also have to stay a distance from some of the posts–i get really angry and i DO NOT LIKE THAT FEELING specially when it is from an internet comment…. take care………..cat

                    • clandestine rage revealed

                      Hi Cat,

                      I was partially raised by an uncle who liked to humiliate children. I’m sure the self-esteem issues are from that and the projects. Yes, I cannot let this Forwood ass leech get me running through the house screaming and shaking. It would be what he wants I’m sure.

                    • pollyann

                      I can understand the real source of the anger but I don’t like how people are triggered by Duncan’s posts. That is the main issue, not that Duncan is angry at someone. His posts incite people. Please be careful of that.

                    • clandestine rage revealed

                      Will do Pollyann. It’s just been kind of bat lately. I can’t really blame the Forwood guy or Duncan’s response to him. I was trying to read Whitley Strieber’s new book and the first few chapters were triggering me because it’s very intense. It’s not Whitley’s fault either. It’s just some tough times and every little thing is like salt in a cut.

                      I do apologize about not having much info on the uniform, but I’ve been so caught up with everything else I see in O.B.E’s and dreams, that I don’t pay much attention to myself. I will next time perhaps.

                    • pollyann

                      I thought I’d ask about your uniform so that if you have future ventures you might remember to take notice. Uniforms, badges, etc., denote rank and file. No problem if you don’t remember a thing! 🙂 Not just anyone would be allowed around Obama in the physical or the astral. One must have very high level clearance.

                    • balanceenergies

                      i personally find i can be triggered into a stressful/angry feeling by a few people’s posts…so i just delete them…doesn’t take long to figure out who has what i call ‘the flashlight syndrome’ …you know the type-the ones who prefer to believe they have more inner knowledge than others and have a need to ‘lead’ them…i am gone when i sense that……..ugh yep, flashlight syndrome..learned that one years ago…isn’t life a hoot sometimes ?! cat staying away from these people is paramount to a modem of sanity…si?

          • pollyann

            Khris, can you say what the conference was about or is too risky right now? It’s okay if you want to wait. I don’t want you to endanger yourself, especially if you are not feeling well.

            That’s how they push a person out of body — with a frequency. You know!!

            • clandestine rage revealed

              Hi Pollyann,

              I don’t remember too much of it. My body was physically exhausted that night when the noise started happening. I woke up after I got back from the meeting and I usually stay awake for hours after. This allows me to use the voice recorder or just write things down. In this case, I was only awake for a few minutes and I couldn’t keep my eyes open due to exhaustion. It was a large rectangular conference room. Obama was there and about eight other men. They were all in suits. I got the feeling it was his Sunday national security update. I feel bad I don’t have a nine minute voice recording like the other times it happened. The two days of relives and probably some psychic attacks before the O.B.E. rendered a toll physically. I’m getting my strength back now and feeling better. I will say Obama seems to like me. I want to be careful, but they seemed to want me to do something. I remember waving my hand and something happened and everybody in the room started laughing. I must have done a trick or produced some type of phenomenon.

  6. Kathleen

    Dear Khris,

    That you write with such sharpness (truth) is undoubtedly why I feel such clarity reading you.

    Whatever you decide, “to medicate” is not a sign of weakness and defeat. It is simply a choice whether to add allopathic medicine to your holistic self care – and even if you are mentally ‘ok’ with it, your biology still may or may not be significantly affected in the way you want. (My doctor, for instance, in South Africa thought I had a liver of an elephant – “nothing” would take to me then.)

    As to what to say to a doctor – if you were to go – I would suggest a simple and vague description of panic attacks.

    Do you ever get shiatsu-type massages?

    When you are home, I can suggest playing invigorating, positive (to you) music loudly, or something like Punit Yaatri’s music therapy: http://www.brainheartmusic.com/music.php . (I first learned of him from one of Randy Maugan’s interviews.)

    Stay cool and know in yourself you are well and loved.

    Kathleen

    • clandestine rage revealed

      Hi Kathleen,

      I think It’s part of the programming to feel weak of defeated and I need to be careful not to give in to it. Conventional medicine and I don’t get along well. I can’t use antibiotics as I have a huge allergic reaction to them. I use Oregano Oil and Colloidal Silver if I’m viral. Yes, If I do see the doctor, I will be very careful about what I say. I was thinking out loud in my post about what I could say to them.

      I get Swedish massages, but I have never tried shiatsu. I am scheduled for a massage next Friday. I had a hot stone massage once and loved it, but not many people in this town are trained for hot stone.

      I will definitely take a look at the link for music. I find that most music triggers me anymore. All the stuff I loved growing up sets me off sometimes. I found the key of “F” to be really bad for me as a trigger. I figure it’s the frequency range the key of F vibrates in. I’m looking into musical options right now.

      Thanks for you response and for being so kind to me.

      Peace and Love,

      Khris

  7. balanceenergies

    i will give you a hint khris…don’t tell a dr. unless he/she is an aware individual and open to your story………..good way to get locked away………..all i have left to medicate with is a small dosage of clonazepam at night so i can fall asleep………believe me, i am way better than before..way better..and i dont want a higher dosage…i tried st johns wort and melatonin and a few mixtures……nada…so, i keep that one script…just a title of sanity for me..you just do what you have to do khris..for khris….. cat

      • balanceenergies

        i don’t get to the deep levels of rest either…have had 2 sleep studies with a specialist….they cannot fix what is going on with me, just put a bandaid on it..hang in there-that is all we can do. i would love to have someone to talk to on a regular basis, but as far as finding anyone here-not happened yet. i find ‘camping’ on my floor helps, close my eyes and if i can keep them closed i go off somewhere a little more peaceful…have a good one…cat

  8. pollyann

    Khris, I don’t have time to fully address this right now but I want to tell you I’ve been experiencing PTSD for all of my life and you know I am 55 years of age. I have tried countless methods of help. Suffice to say, for now, I live with it. You are much stronger than I, believe me. I can tell you the forces of darkness will try to make you go crazy and self-destruct; programming is laced with self-destruct programs. Two of my sisters self-destructed and no one could help them. Be still. Imagine you are standing in a hurricane and you are rooted to the ground and immovable; you are still inside. The storm cannot touch you because you are still. The strength is in the stillness. I’ll talk to you later. 🙂

    • clandestine rage revealed

      Thanks Pollyann,

      I’m going to make it through! It’s just hard sometimes. I’m saddened two of your sisters destructed. I will work on the hurricane approach. I will not let them win. It’s just hard to deal with it all. I know I will find methods over time.

      Khris

      • pollyann

        Khris, it’s an ongoing process. I’ve survived countless abreactions and other horrors. I know I will never have a “normal” life. I’m the admin. and mod. of my forum. 🙂 You will be okay.

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