Torture’s Fallout

Khris Speaks

Volume XLV


Warning: Some or all of the testimony you are about to view may be triggering or cause you to relive memories and or torture.

In April, I started to experience and relive the torture I went through in MK-Ultra as a child. For an entire month, every last night of April, 2012, pain and horror surfaced while I attempted to sleep. All I could do is remind myself to stay calm, neutral and remember the torture was in the past and it wasn’t happening to me at that moment. Every night, I got a beating, electrocuted, my genitals tortured, needles stuck in me, and spun relentlessly. I even relived an implant surgery/procedure. There were flashes of light under my eyelids and even a wolf pup put his snout up to my face. In order for the pup to be able to put his or her nose against mine, I could have not been much older than a toddler. I often hear wolves howling when I sleep. Could this be from MK-Ultra?

The beatings the dark lords dealt me were very painful. I was hit with an object. I perceived the blows to be coming from a rod or stick. Strike-after-strike hit my body. Both of my clavicles were struck violently as well as my groin, knees, temples, shoulder blades and throat. If you’ve ever studied martial arts, striking these areas may be familiar to you. One night, I felt needles being inserted into my arms and in my back. The needle-sticks were painful and I couldn’t figure out what the purpose of the punctures was. As for the electricity trauma I experienced, one night, I felt needles being inserted very deep into the pads of every one of my fingers, including my thumbs, of both hands. Momentarily, after the needles were inserted, I started to feel burning sensations envelop both hands. This intensified until it became overwhelming in pain. At the same time I experienced the burning, I felt pain in my genitals. The burning turned into jolts of electricity coursing through my arms and into my chest. This electrocution initiated muscle spasms all over my body. One thing I can tell you is how unbearable the pain is when a bolt of electricity hits bone. It burns and hurts like hell when it surges through flesh, but when electricity hits bone, you will never forget it. As for the spinning, I cannot give much detail. As I was attempting to sleep one evening, I felt as I’d been placed on a Merry-Go-Round. I spun and spun until I lost consciousness. I was not actually spinning in my bed, but I was reliving being spun. It’s a miserable experience. I’ve experienced this spinning phenomenon several times in the past two years.

It is my understanding the muscle spasms I experience daily, many times-per-day, are damage to my muscles and nerves. I often ponder, how, as a little boy, so many years ago, I survived such agonizing trauma. I ask myself often, how much more I have to give? How many years of service is enough? How many people do I have to kill? Of course the dark lords plan to never let me out of service. I’ve already stated it once before; it’s over. I meant it then and I mean it now. I may never get out from under the memories or health problems, but I don’t serve the darkness willingly or unwillingly!

This isn’t some ‘Jason Bourne’ theatrics or some rogue bitch gone ‘Haywire’ like on the big screen. This isn’t some YouTube inter-dimensional internet warrior shenanigans. This is real and it’s happening to children even today.



  1. Caroline K.

    I feel like the PTB are on a roll lately to kill most of humanity. I just look at all the environmental toxins and horrible noxious food/medicine foisted on us in a million and one ways: Smart Meters, green bulbs with mercury, vaccines, perscriptions, standard medicine, nuclear energy, toxic water and land and air, chemtrails, GM food (destroying all the other crops with climate changes until we are stuck with unlabled GM food), and on and on. They kill off as many people in wars as they can manage, but yet we are still around.

    People are stressed over money and jobs (less pay and less benefits) and weather catastrophes. Average citizens protesting have no rights to even complain much any more. PTB technology is attacking everyone. And I’m sure they have some really juicy crap lined up for the not to distant future, too. The majority of the people don’t even know they are being targeted under a slow assassination procedure. They have little immunity because they are so unaware. But still, there are 7 billion of us and growing, so we can’t deny we are tough and resilient race of human beings, even if a lot of us are fat and eat junk food and contaminated water, etc.

    If nothing else, we can know that it is probably going to take a lot more than the PTB every thought of in their wildest dreams to rid the planet of most of us, and we can at least be assured that they are going to be working up a frenzied sweat.

    Even Bush, Jr. isn’t looking great lately. He looks all pale and sickly in his media pictures, and Hilary has gained so much weight she is busting out of her pant’s suites, like the woman that had a cement booty transplant, and looking pasty and drawn herself. Obviously it’s a strain to kill off the human race and harder than they thought it would be. So, maybe the PTB will stroke out before they accomplish their mission. Anything is possible

  2. Caroline K.

    For me the childhood sexual abuse and torture memories were the worst because I think it has to do with being so vulnerable as a child. It’s also the biggest betrayal. Those memories shook me to the core. Those were the worst for me and took the longest to heal from, but it seems like healing is happening at a much more rapid pace these days, which is a good thing.

    I know these are hard memories for you Khris.

    When I was dealing with some of my worst memories, all I could do was surrender to the process. It was like being a member of the walking dead until I could sort it out. I just got one foot in front of the other, and somehow some Force within me carried me through it. Until we die, I think that highest part/spiritual part of ourselves gets us through when the physical and mental and emotional part of us can’t.

    And I think that Force is like matter that is described in physics. It can neither be created nor destroyed, unless the Creator of All decides otherwise. I believe that even the PTB can’t override that, but their biggest weapon for all of humanity has been to cut us off from our own inner highest Force/Spirit.

    I wish there was no evil like this in all of creation, but it’s here. And the odd thing about it is that this same Force that created us, created these evil beings, too, but this Force also overrides all and is there for us to use as humanity or as beings. It just has to be found within the camouflage of evil. It is that dot of light within the massive darkness we currently inhabit, which is much bigger than any darkness there is once we find it.

    I couldn’t not cry when I read your story Khirs. I cried a lot, and I begged our Greater Force to show humanity a way out of this, to show us the way to the grace and mercy that I know is there, which has also been lost to us.

    All the horror and the pain, and the damage from your torture is grit Khris that serves to create/uncover the pearl that is really you: The light Force in the darkness that they can never destroy.

    • clandestine rage revealed

      Thank you for this Caroline. Thanks for caring and being beautiful. I can’t cry most of the time and it’s a bother to me. I’m merging with alters that are very hardened and hateful. I have to humanize and soften them up. We shall ride through somehow. I was thinking about you today. I hope you are rested and at least sleeping. We’ll talk soon!



      • pollyann

        You can do it, Khris. It takes time. You have amazing heart energy. There are other people who have been through MKULTRA whom I feel nervous about (IOW, I am a bit afraid of them) but not you.

          • pollyann

            Khris, Telepathy is free and faster than the Internet!! 🙂 Did you or anyone here experience an over the top emotional episode this past Monday evening??

            • clandestine rage revealed

              Hi Pollyann,

              Yes, I went nuts around that time. One of my good friends is being gang-stalked. She had her apartment broken into at 2 a.m. that night and I had a rage attack come over me that night. Something major was astir that day!



              • pollyann

                Ahh, thanks for letting me know that, Khris. I had quite the internal/external combustion (self-loathing) episode but I felt better and relieved of an old, disturbing burden by the next day. I am sorry about your friend. Is she okay and have things settled down at all for her??

      • Caroline K.

        I was coming over here to post about something else but saw this post you made again Khris. Just wanted to tell you that not being able to cry as a man doesn’t always have to do with having hardened altars. I had a friend who wasn’t programmed, just had an overbearing mother that was controlling, and he couldn’t cry either, and it bothered him, too. Women really do cry more that men. It’s the way we are built, biologically influenced, and some men cry more easily than other men, too. Plus when you get older, you are more apt to do it, too. It’s a fickle thing. I’ve known other men who were very kind, but just didn’t cry. It may be biological or a gene thing, too. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

      • Caroline K.

        Polly, I don’t know, but they also did tests that tears are full of toxins–it’s a way to rid the body of noxious material, tool. They tested tears to see what their content was and there were a lot of toxins, but I think biology has a way of taking care of things in ways we can only imagine. I thought, well, hmm, men don’t on the whole cry as much as women, but there has to be a way they do get rid of those toxins in their own way. No one has ever looked at that, but there must be other things involved, too. Maybe male hormones redirect excess toxins through the kidneys. I don’t know.

        Also, this is an interesting site on tears: “Women are biologically wired to shed tears more than men…”

      • Caroline K.

        I’ve cried so much Polly that I’m sick of it. I’m old and I don’t need any more sadness in my life. I think there were times in my life when I probably affected the area humidity levels I was crying so much. I don’t like to admit I am an empath, but I am, and I’ve cried a river for myself and other people, and I always have this lump in my throat when I read about people’s horrible and sad experiences, and the tears start welling up, and I think wouldn’t it be nice to be happy for humanity for a change. I’m crying right now. I hope in my next life I can be the person that doesn’t cry.

        • pollyann

          Caroline, this is what I feel. As an empath you have cried for those who could not. This is not a bad thing. You must promise to stick around, at the very least, until you are crying tears of joy for humanity. K??

        • balanceenergies

          I feel your tears Caroline…i am empathic also , and you know how much you helped me out recently…what you and Annalie did for me will never be forgotten. The profound sadness that comes over us at times is almost unbearable but we go on to the next day, always. Part of the job description whether we want it or not sometimes. We keep the tissue companies in business, think of it that way ! How helpful is that ?!

        • balanceenergies

          I cannot yell that out loud here..they will come and take me away……… should hear how loud i can scream in my mind….and what i say ?!!!!!!! Screaming in your mind is great, can even make faces (don’t do that in public though-frowned upon)

      • balanceenergies

        ok…going to try this again…my machine is being miserable this am………….i too am going through a painful resurgence of one of my ‘buddies’ who is hateful…from an experience i had over 2 weeks ago…it is being particularly hard to shake…i so do not like that feeling. But i know i will get there. Would rather cry than feel that hatred…that is one ugly feeling. It is sticking like glue, when i think i am making headway i see one of these perps and it starts again…ooooo this may take a while.

  3. pollyann

    Khris, we were able to survive as children because of our ability to dissociate, to split, to leave our bodies, and still come back again and again. There is no way to put things back together the way they were.

    • clandestine rage revealed

      I agree Polly. I just don’t understand what spirit I had to not just exhale and let go. I guess I felt I needed to hold on. We did have to split and leave. It’s sad, but we’ll hammer at them until it stops.



  4. artemesiaspeaks

    Khris, thank you for this. Very powerful imagery.

    You said something very important towards the end, which I am only just now coming to terms with myself. You said, “I may never get out from under the memories or health problems, but I don’t serve the darkness willingly or unwillingly!”

    For the last 6 months I was trying everything in my power to overcome and heal from the DID I have been left with due to my own experiences. But at least three very wise people I’ve been talking to lately have helped me to realize that accepting what is with regards to physical or mental conditions, such as DID or memories or health problems, are part of the internal acceptance that is required of us for ourselves in this incarnation. This is pure love. Love of self is where it all starts. Whatever happened happened, timelines can be reset for the better, but there is still part of the soul that will know these past moments for what they are. They are part of us in this incarnation of existence, for better or for worse. The goal is to strive to make it for the better, in whatever way we can. We CAN heal the spirit within. But part of doing that, I am realizing, is accepting our soul components for how they are constructed, how they are working to move forward despite programming, torture, abuse, dissociation and the ‘knowingness’ of what has been endured.

    Thank you for enduring, for continuing to speak out, and for sharing these intimate moments so that others may learn. In teaching, there is great power, even if there is not and never will be any pedestal to stand upon when it comes to MK-Ultra or other projects. The passion to stop these projects and ensure no others have to live as we did is all we have. We have nothing to lose, everything to gain.

    • clandestine rage revealed

      Thank Annalie,

      This was a powerful post for me. My hands and arms started to get muscle spasms just writing it. I even got a little angry and had to cool down. I held onto what happened that month of April. I needed to process and work things out. A door opened and it was a not a good one. The DID  we have is profound and the PTSD is nasty too. My passion grows by the day to assist those who’ve been in these programs and the children who are still in them and don’t have a voice.

      Thanks again!



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